I remember, years ago, I was in a very dark place in my life back then. It began in Grade 6 when we learned our father had an affair and spent all my parents' money to pay off her mistress' debts. Then, in High School, I was taken advantage of while asleep in our own home. Entering college, I was forced to take up a course I loathed to fulfill my mother's wish to have a nurse in the family. I felt like Job, all consumed by grief, hurt, and loss from one problem to another. I then started having depressive thoughts and was suicidal. On my third attempt to end my life, I gave God an ultimatum, if He still had a purpose for my life, He must show up. And so He did. I gave my life back to Him and promised to walk rightly from that point on.
Then, God brought me to the Jesus Is Lord (JIL) Dumaguete through KKB (Kristiyanong Kabataan para sa Bayan) gatherings. I was attracted to their passion and praise and worship of God, but I did not know how to be as they were. Praising God freely was different from what I was used to, but my spirit yearned so much. It was very awkward singing and dancing to praise songs at first until I learned to tear down the walls of pride into submission to God in worship and adoration. To be honest, it was the start of being genuine and authentic in God's presence among His children.
The leadership of Ptra. Mardy and Kuya Edgar also inspired me as I saw how they had moved and changed the lives of a lot of youth in Dumaguete City. I joined KKB and was discipled by Bem Rubia and also by Ptra. Mardy Manguinimba. I went through a journey of healing and restoring, and they guided me through. Their availability in counseling sessions and the lessons I learned during Cell Group (called cell group back then but now called Life Groups) meetings contributed to my personal and spiritual growth. The one that impacted me greatly was the Encounter Retreat. I left that retreat a different person! It allowed me to re-evaluate myself and navigate myself back to God.
During this time, I began serving the Student Government at Silliman University. I served as the head of the Religious Committee. God showed me the opportunity to make available God's truth and His word to the student body. Every month, we had events for students to participate in. My desire was for others to encounter God as I did through that one event or just win one soul in that event.
JIL Dumaguete was key to the dawnwatch prayers in the Silliman campus we began at that time. The irony was that students attending the dawnwatch prayer at first were students from other schools praying for Silliman University and its student body. Eventually, as time passed, we had students in Silliman joining us in prayer. It was very powerful seeing students praying for the school and fellow students. It was a blessing to hear and see the atmosphere change as the few of us were singing worship to God. You could feel the acacia trees and the empty spaces of the amphitheater echo and lift up the songs of praise toward heaven.
Looking back, JIL Dumaguete was really used by God for me to step out of my comfort zone and equip me for what was ahead of me. It was with my Ka-KKBs I learned humility. It was through Ptra. Mardy that I learned submission. It was at the JIL Dumaguete I had family in the church.
God did not waste every detail of my life-of my past. From the parts of my life I was very ashamed of, He healed me, and I found freedom and grace in Him. Now, I learned that part of fully understanding my story is sharing it with others. As I share my story, I witness another soul being free.
You see, my confession to God about my sins has led to my forgiveness. My confession to the people who hurt me and I hurt has led to reconciliation. And my confession to others on my testimony has led to freedom.
God brought me from JIL Dumaguete to JIL Christchurch, New Zealand! I had to graduate BSEd in English to serve as National Secretary of JIL New Zealand. I had to go through depression and suicidal ideation to equip me as a Mental Health Support Worker. I am now working with people with anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, trauma, abuse, schizophrenia, etc. I used to feel filthy and doubtful of love, but God changed my heart, mind and I am now turning 3 years married to a God-revering man; with our 2 sons. I used to feel very insecure that I felt I needed to keep proving my worth, but God renewed my mind, and I now know my true identity in Him!
Indeed, there is a reason for my past season. God has always been very purposeful with my pathway, and I know He still is.
My story may have begun in a dark place, but He met me and brought me to His marvelous light. I pray that you will learn to submit to God's will for your life, too, because His will is always the best-- He is never late. He is always in control. He will take what the enemy meant for evil and turns it for good!
